I’m often asked why I’m against falling in love…I’m not; just unwilling to do so at this point in my life. I’m not bitter or afraid but I’m a realist who understands that being in love may never be as I’ve always dreamed it would be. I’m a perfectionist not just with my career but all aspects of my life; a blessing and a curse. It is difficult for me to accept that being in love has too many variables and it can never be made “perfect” which means success is not guaranteed. Please don’t mistake being a perfectionist for someone who is inflexible but understand that perfectionists require consistency, definitive answers and cerebral thinking…these are not characteristics of being in love.
When I was in love, I became completely immersed; not to the point of losing myself but I gave almost all of me because I can’t do anything “half-ass”. My expectation of being in love was that each person involved would share themselves equally…unrealistic belief but at the time it was part of MY reality. The next time I fell in love, I held back just in case he did not share himself completely…not being true to myself was much to tedious for me!
After all these years, I am comfortable being authentically me…empathetic, emotional, independent, altruistic, introverted, cerebral, creative, loyal and nurturing. The world will either accept me as I am or look the other way but I will not change who I am. Most people are not comfortable being true to who they are and often change to fit the ideals of who others want them to be. I was once a “changer” and it took me almost a lifetime to finally love and wholly accept ME as I am. Anyone who loves you or falls in love with you will appreciate the authentic you, but only if you have accepted yourself!
If I have to narrow down qualities in a man that will attract me they would be:
Strong yet tender arms and hands
Ability to stimulate my mind…constantly
Ability to listen…I mean really listen
Ability to encourage intuitively
I’ll be ready to open my soul to a worthy man sooner than most think, but since I’m still getting to know ME…being in love is not a priority.
Please share your thoughts as I’d love to know how YOU are in love or what leads you to love.
Such an old cliché but so true…you never miss what you’ve had until it’s gone!
My Mom came to visit me last Wednesday because she was worried I’ve been stressing myself to the point of emotional destruction. Mom came to check on her “Baby Girl” because of her unconditional love for me. I’m not sure there is another love in the Universe that can match the unconditional love a mother has for her child(ren). Even in the animal kingdom, a mother protects and nurtures her offspring without contemplation.
Prior to this visit I was unable to truly appreciate the differences between Mom and I; I even figured she would never love and accept me as I am because of how different we are. Mom is a “tell it like it is” person while I will avoid confrontation and/or hurting someone’s feelings as often as possible. Most times I am Felix Unger; Mom is more like Oscar Madison! LOL
For the past few months I’ve been distant from everyone including Mom. It’s natural for me to shut out the world when stress emotionally drains me and makes me feel hopeless. Throughout my “madness”, Mom never gave up on me and no matter how many times I ignored her calls; she would keep reaching out to me. She would leave messages expressing how much she loved me and that she understood why I would not return her calls. During my “madness” I could not see how selfish I was being but shutting out the one person who has always loved me, just as I am.
During Mom’s visit our connection exceeded anything previous between us. It was comforting having her here to help settle my nerves and battle my stress. It was wonderful to share my secrets again with my very best friend; one that will keep my secrets and not tear me down in my face or behind my back. We laughed, we spoke about serious issues and we shared our dreams and plans of action. It felt so good to share myself with someone I can trust completely. Mom’s smile told me that she was pleased we were able to restore our connection and this alone eased the months of emotional discomfort I’ve been struggling with alone.
You only get one Mom and she is someone to treasure no matter what else may happen during your life. Never take her for granted; never push her away. Your Mom will always have your back and most importantly, your front! I love my Mom even more today than I can recall from our past. She is an unmatched blessing in my life and I will remember to thank God each day for such a Beautiful Soul…My Mom.