Good Morning! We are so excited to bring you our first Q&A. Below are the questions received by our wonderful readers along with our sound advice. Please connect with us and leave helpful comments to offer additional help for them.
Stay tuned because we will announce a contest and offer a prize next week for the most helpful piece of advice.
You’ve got questions…we’ve got answers! Join Her and His perspective each Wednesday where you will gain insight from both sides. Please submit your thoughts/questions to firstname.lastname@example.org by Friday and answers will be posted the following Wednesday (please note posting will depend on submission volume). We will not publish your name; just initials.
BJ, Bronx, NY
1) When do you fully start to trust your partner? 2) What is it about a person that makes you say to yourself “he/she is the one”? 3) When do you stop going for a person’s image and become attracted to their character instead?
HER Perspective: 1) Simply put…when they’ve earned your trust. Share bits of personal information with her and see how she receives and stores it. Does she bring it up during a disagreement? Does she share your secrets with friends/family? Also when you open up to her, does she listen…I mean really listen or does she seem to hurry you along as she prepares for her chance to speak? Does she ever mock you while sharing your feelings or is she receptive?
Another way to build trust or learn about your mate is by bringing her around friends and family whose opinions you value. They will definitely bring out anything that you may be blind to and provide you with valuable insight. It’s also very important to schedule activities she enjoys along with meeting and learning about her family. After all is said and done…the best guidance you will receive will be from your intuition. Do NOT ignore anything your intuition brings to you; you may end up wasting time in a relationship that was never meant to be.
HIS Perspective: 1) You’ll begin to fully trust that woman when you become open to your feelings and hers. Trust can be emotionally based and if you prejudge your relationship or put stipulations on it, the level of trust you’re looking for will be far and wide.
HER Perspective: 2) It’s a feeling… If you feel good when you are with her; if you think of her when she is not around and you smile and/or feel a rush of warmth; if you disagree at times but never let it linger; if she lifts you emotionally; if you can learn from each other…chances are she is the one. If you agree on the “must haves in a partnership” (each person WILL have a list) then chances are she is the one. If you both remain independent and secure within and outside of your relationship, chances are she is the one. Love feels good; if you are unhappy this is an indication you need to move on.
HIS Perspective: 2) When assessing someone and if they’re good enough to bring home to Mom, have around your friends and regardless of character flaws you still smile at that woman like she’s “golden”, then you may have found the one who you can rest easy with all of your days.
HER Perspective: 3) Physical attraction is definitely a factor in choosing someone you want to get to know. Let’s be honest someone’s “beautiful mind” is not noticeable right away. You admire the way she looks then you figure out how to get to know her. After a brief conversation you will know if you want to get to know her better. If you stay stuck on the size of her breast or how soft you think her a*& is…chances are you have not matured enough to be in a relationship.
HIS Perspective: 3) Image or the likeness of what you want or desire sometimes doesn’t equate to someone’s overall character. We’ve all seen the “dressed-up garbage can” and realize that we don’t merely want a trophy with an attitude but someone with class, style, well-rounded and personable. Pay attention to those things instead of her curves.
TH, Brooklyn, NY
I really need to know how to determine when a woman is in a relationship with u but she tends to mention how she don’t know if she wants this! Do I deal or do I drop and go?
HER Perspective: If she is unsure, it’s best to leave her with time to figure out what she truly wants. Please understand giving her time does not mean putting your life on hold. Perhaps you can ask her what is creating doubt about being with you; this may provide valuable insight for you to determine whether you should wait or walk away completely. You are worthy of receiving REAL love; you do not deserve to be put on hold while she weighs her options or figures it out.
HIS Perspective: Well my friend, sometimes you have to sit down with people and get the real stuff out-of-the-way before two people make decisions that neither can benefit from. So, don’t just pick-up and go, sit down with her and ask her what is it she wants; if you feel as though you can fill those shoes and she thinks that all is well, then stay together! Consider having a calm detailed conversation and let us know how that went.
ANT, Richmond, VA
How do I take a woman who say she wants to be with you have your child yet she say she so sexually excited for u on one day and the next she say it wore off and she can be celibate. So I’m worth only a booty call? Please help me because I’m really hurting right now.
HER Perspective: Walk way…no wait run away! It sounds like this woman is playing games and does not have your best interest at heart. When a woman cares about you, she will not leave you wondering. It is possible she just wants a sexual relationship but it seems you want more. I believe it’s best for you to walk away from this woman instead of allowing yourself to suffer any longer. It’s possible that your self-worth is not at a healthy level; perhaps you should spend time building your self-esteem and learning to love and accept yourself before loving someone else. Once you love yourself, you will attract mates worthy of all you have to offer.
HIS Perspective: Very sorry to hear that my friend. Maybe she had a classic case of indecisiveness, initially the bubbly dream is what sparked her excitement but in solitude she had time to reflect on what could go wrong with this dream. Ask her what her fears are, is she really ready or was she spirit of the moment talking, ask her does she only see you as a booty call? Ask her these questions, she will have no choice but to face you and tell you what’s real, from that moment you’ll be able to determine if she’s for you or not.
Love, Peace & Blessings…